I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
