i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
