there was a trapeze. enough said
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
