i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
