It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
