dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
