just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize