dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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