If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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