Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
