i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Randomize
