I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
