I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
