I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
