I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
