12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
