dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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