i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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