My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
