i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
