White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
