hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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