he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
