You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize