worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize