She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Pooping to opera.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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