I want to make a zoo with you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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