Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
