Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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