Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
