I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
