Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
did you just send me my own nude
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
