You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
As shirtless as possible
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
