It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
