News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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