i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
