I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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