It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
