she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
