Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
