Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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