So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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