You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
