yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
