so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
