sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
wanna go halves on a baby?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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