I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize