Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
