I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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