my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Randomize
