youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
