in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What drink are we having for lunch?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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