Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
