Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
