so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
