the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
