I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
