You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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