I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize