We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize