I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
