peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
