Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
