textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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